It’s been 7 weeks since I delivered little miss Eddison into the world. Each and everyday, I’m continually amazed with how perfect she is. I have a bond with her that’s difficult to put into words. This go around has been quite different. I think I’ve bonded so well with her SO quickly because of a few factors. For starters, I’m already a mother to a beautiful little boy and have experienced that unconditional love for one little person already! I know how strong that love is! So to be adding her into the mix, my love for my kids has literally doubled!
Second, I decided to have a natural birth this time around for a lot of reasons, one of the ones being BECAUSE I wanted that quicker bond between mommy and baby. Now, I’m posting a little disclaimer, because I’m not saying that other moms don’t bond with their babies if they decide to have a medicated birth. I’m not one of those moms who birth shames. I got an Epidural with Everett (my first) and didn’t love it. Looking back, I didn’t bond as quickly as I would have liked. When Everett was born, I remember thinking, “That one’s not my baby. That’s not the baby I’ve had growing and kicking around inside me.”
Of course, I knew it was MY baby but because I didn’t FEEL him being born, it didn’t feel real. Sure I enjoyed not feeling “the pain” but I missed that IMMEDIATE bond. Eventually that connection blossomed as I was able to take care of and serve Everett. With Eddison though, the bond was so instantaneous! As soon as she was born, it was like a switch had flipped on in my brain. All I wanted to do was hold her as close to myself as I could.
Another thing that helped bond quickly with her, as much as I hate that it did, was the fear of losing her. When Eddison got sick with Viral Meningitis at only a week old, I was terrified. Seeing her little body, so frail and weak and imagining a world without her was almost unbearable. I wanted to soak up every minute with her more than the last.. With her getting so sick, so quickly, I clung on to any interaction possible with my little girl. During the times when I wasn’t sure she was okay, I valued each and every one of the tiny details, not wanting to forget a moment.
Despite being ugly and un-showered for days, we took as many pictures as imaginable to help us do so. I know that memories fade, but I did all that I could to make them last as long as possible. It’s the little details like holding her tiny little fingers and admiring her wrinkly little ‘grandpa knees’ as I like to call them haha! I love being able to breast feed her and listen to her snore, and let’s not forget her cough-farts! And don’t even get me started on her hair; Her hair just KILLS ME and I find myself changing her bows at least twice a day just because I can! I want to spoil this little girl
Yes, memories fade, so I’m appreciating the moments as they come; I’m taking advantage of these simple, short, beautiful moments.
Eddison Renae, I love you.